single-blessedness

I'm happy and contented with being single. Happy and contented to the point that I am no longer looking and open to having a boyfriend. At one point, I am even blocking off everyone who shows interest in me. I'm just happy being single; to have all the time in the world to discover more of myself, to gain experiences on my own and to make myself stronger and better. What I don't talk about though are the drawbacks of being single but now, I'm gonna spill the beans.

First of all, its difficult to do everything on your own. You have to carry your own backpack, to change the lightbulb, to troubleshoot what's wrong with your electronic gadgets and basically do stuff that usually the boys love doing and the girls are so miserable at.

You have no one to share your stories, experiences, food, problems, angst, bills and so on and so forth. You might say that I have friends to share that with but, come on! You know what I mean... If not, then be single first so you'll get me.

You don't have a go-to guy for everything. To go with you to do errands, to watch a movie, to eat at a new resto, to go to a party and just to help you with anything. I remember, before, I would wake up and crave for the most unusual things (but I wasn't preggy, huh. I guess I was being a brat then) and all I needed to do was to wake-up my boyfriend and he'll figure it out for me. I miss that. I miss being spoiled.

Right now I guess, I am investing on stories to tell my grandchildren but then, would I still be alive by then? I'm 27 years old, no prospect husband, no boyfriend, no steady date, no date at all. Nada! And I felt guilty when I saw my dad came out of the airport building this morning. He's turning 60 that's why he came here for a vacation. He looks old, he is old and he wants a grandchild and as the first-born, I felt guilty. He doesn't know yet that me and my long-time boyfriend have broken off and honestly, I'm scared to tell him that his dreams of having grandchildren will be further delayed.

Lately, I'm feeling lonely. I go to sleep hugging my big hotdog pillow. I wake up hugging myself. Sometimes I cry out of loneliness and I realize, there's no one to rub my back and calm me down so, I cry even more. So yes, being single is not all that bright and shiny You will have episodes. It could get lonely.